There is a shade of green somewhere between sage and khaki that had about eleven days of genuine cultural life. It appeared in the right places – a few street-style photographs, a couple of Instagram accounts that people actually follow rather than merely feel guilty about not following. And then, before most retailers had even typed it into their order…

Somewhere over Lincolnshire, a satellite built to count stressed wheat plants is also, probably, counting cars. Not because anyone particularly planned it that way. But because someone in retail logistics noticed that a camera which could spot a struggling crop from orbit – by reading the precise wavelength of light bouncing off the leaves – could just as easily read…

Cast your mind back to 2003. The ideal living room had a fuchsia feature wall, a frosted-glass coffee table, and enough scatter cushions to upholster a small aircraft. Your ideal wardrobe involved at least one item that was simultaneously a top, a skirt, and a belt. Everything was loud, maximalist, slightly too much – and it was perfect, because you…

Somewhere right now, a person in Manchester is standing in their hallway at half eight in the morning holding a coat in one hand and a cardigan in the other, looking out the window at a sky that is technically both sunny and threatening. They will probably take both. This is not indecision. This is centuries of cultural training. Britain…

Somewhere in Britain right now, a team of people is deciding what shade of green you'll think you want to wear in 2027. Not guessing. Deciding. There's a mood board. There's a committee. There's a consensus. And by the time you see it in the shops and think "oh, that's nice, very me," the whole apparatus has already moved on…